Why Are We So Hard on Ourselves?

What if we could loosen our grip on self-judgment,

and meet ourselves with gentleness and understanding instead?

It’s easy enough to meet yourself where you are when you’re feeling good,

but what about when you’re struggling?

When the voice inside your head is your harshest critic?

We learn self-judgment early — from our family, school, friends, and culture.

Many of us were taught that love and belonging had to be earned

through perfection, performance, passivity, or pleasing others.

✨Ask yourself:

What did you learn as a child about who you had to be

in order to feel safe, loved, or accepted?

Let's be honest, most of our caregivers weren’t good role-models

of self-acceptance, grace, or inner gentleness.

But let’s be clear, there is no blame to be placed here —

they learned to be hard on themselves from their caregivers,

and theirs before them… and so it went until it was passed on to us.

We’ve inherited the effects of many generations of hardships and trauma,

resulting in hardness as our go-to protective mechanism.

I spent most of my life in relentless self-loathing and self-criticism.

It still sneaks up on me from time to time.

But when my son was born,

something deep within me knew

that I was meant to be a cycle-breaker.

And if you’re reading this,

it’s because you are also a cycle-breaker.

Something in you knows that there’s a softer way.

Self-criticism is a protective mechanism —

a survival strategy of the nervous system

that tries to keep us “in line” in order to keep us safe.

Our subconscious minds believe that shame, blame, and self-criticism

will motivate us to 'do better' and protect us from getting it wrong next time.

But research (and lived experience) shows that the opposite is actually true:

Self-Love and self-compassion are what heal us.

They also build resilience, inspire us to grow, and open our hearts wide.

Self-Love is not weakness or passivity,

but a deeply. courageous. act.

So what if

in joy and in struggle, in clarity and in confusion,

you practiced giving yourself grace simply for being human?

What might crack open in you then?

Self-Love has never been about perfection.

It’s about being present with your im-perfection,

while offering compassion, understanding, and love to yourself in that presence.

What would happen if you softened your grip on self-judgment

and made space for gentleness instead?

“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~ Buddha

Your own love is not something you have to earn —

You are LOVE ~ this is your reminder to embody it. 💗

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I see you showing up in this space with yourself,

and I'd be so honored to share this journey of deepening into Self-Love with you.

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Let’s rise together ~ in Love & Light,

Jaime

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